Tech Support Issue #6: upwardly immobile

Dear Tech Support, 

TL;DR I keep not getting promoted. It’s been several years since my last promotion even though I get the “strongly exceeds expectations” designation and have excellent peer reviews, irrefutable body of work, etc. In the past two years, I’ve gone up for promotion 4x and every time, my manager (and I’ve had a few in this period given constant restructurings in my department) gives some plausible excuse for not making it to the next level like haven’t been in the role long enough (arguably not my fault because of the restructurings and changing priorities), not big enough scope and impact (again, arguably not my fault), Most recently, I was told that I was really really close to getting it but there were a couple of other people performing more highly at my level (objectively everyone else at my level is an idiot) and I would definitely get promoted next time, but the subsequent performance cycle was canceled due to COVID-19. And now there will probably be even fewer promotions because of budget cuts. What is my move here. Do I threaten to quit if I don’t get promoted? 

Please advise,

Perpetual runner-up in the Matrix

Monseigneur–can I call you monseigneur? Feels right. 

I just guzzled an entire CBD beverage in one pull (sponsor me, Recess!), crushed the empty can, and muttered through gritted teeth in my best Lieutenant Dan voice, “it’s not REAL, man!!!” How I long to lend you my perspective from ~1.75 feet outside the Matrix, where it’s as clear as a morning on the Mekong how utterly arbitrary and bullshit the corporate hierarchy is (though, haha, it did quaintly cross my mind this morning that today would’ve been my 13th “Googleversary,” because keeping track of one’s erstwhile corporate start date is DEFINITELY a great marker of emotional health vis-a-vis the “system.” she sighs as she brings the crumpled Recess can to her lips in the fruitless pursuit of one last sip...).

Sitting in on Google’s twice-annual stack-ranking-every-person performance review process (called “calibration,” which I’m chilled to my core to type) a couple of times was a true baptism by fire into “how the world works,” which is to say entirely subjective and dumb (it’s also up there with a mental image I have of Trump’s face, just sort of rotating there in 3D, on the list of things that have fully disavowed me of the myth of meritocracy). My major takeaway was that the speed with which a person gets promoted has nothing to do with their intrinsic goodness at their job, and it’s definitely inversely correlated to their race, gender, and niceness. How and why people got promoted–a real feat in my most recent Google department, where the outside world impact is definitely non-obvious/non-existent (I estimate no fewer than 30 people were involved in this peak “excuse me what” @youtube tweet after the Twitter hack this week which will absolutely be cited in future decks as a ‘real-time brand win!’ for the quarter)—was an area of intense fascination for me. It’s a game with a zillion unwritten rules that shift and change constantly according to the cast of characters and Toxicity pH level. Some people are instinctively really good at it, even without any externally-identifiable skills (I’m reflecting with a kind of petrified awe upon my old YouTube manager, who’s not a particularly good talker and has to outsource most decisions and yet whose path to director-hood is paved with trampled “human capital”). It’s almost as if the worst people rise to the management ranks in big companies (insert think about it guy gif), which I have subsequently validated with this HBR article about the “dark triad” of traits that correlates with corporate success (“the base rate for clinical levels of psychopathy is three times higher among corporate boards than in the overall population” and I am twice in the space of one paragraph chilled to my very core). So by this measure, sir, your not getting promoted reflects really well upon your virtue and character so let me be the first to congratulate you on that!

But promotion is a fact of life and has important material implications and “just admit the game is rigged!” is not constructive advice PER SE. So to put a little bit of spice into the mixture (I’m currently only able to communicate through quotes from the Key & Peele Gremlins 2 Brainstorm sketch, which my old coworker Brett Jansen reminded me of this week, bringing my total lifetime viewcount of the clip to the low-to-mid five figures), I reached out to someone I know who was a 15+-year veteran of Google HR. She left on disillusioning terms so I thought perhaps she’d spill some lizard Illuminati ruling class tea (“this is what they do to keep us DOWN, sis!”) but alas her advice was refreshingly/irritatingly pragmatic. “Doesn’t sound right,” she said. “They should write down their accomplishments, with data and impact–whatever got them to the Strong Exceeds rating–and get more eyes on it.” In other words, advocate for yourself? Escalate thoughtfully? Dark Triad types are so rampant that it is easy to check out altogether and to assume that all politics are bad. But to advocate for yourself doesn’t necessarily mean going to war with the system itself (though it can, and we stan! I’m deeply inspired and satisfied by how Ifeoma Ozoma and Aerica Banks have been speaking with such clarity and righteousness about pay inequity and leveling at Pinterest). Some politics are good politics. Knowing your worth, demanding what you’re due, leaving when it’s clear you’re not going to get it. You’ll honestly probably never be able to beat the worst people at this particular game of midlevel corporate jockeying. But retaining some level of moral/intellectual superiority + moving on to bigger and better things gracefully when the time comes sounds like a winning move to me.

Just another person doing her best,

Claire